


Here is Gone

by SoulOfAFangirl684



Category: Naruto
Genre: Awkward Conversations, Bisexual Choji, Canon Universe, Canon epilogue, Childhood Friends, Demisexual Shikamaru, Emotional Intimacy, First Kiss, Flexible Boundaries, Growing Up Together, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Misunderstandings, Non-Romantic Physical Affection, Not-quite Coming Out, Optimistic Endings, Original Character (Shikamaru's grandfather), Other, Queerplatonic Relationships, Self-Discovery, Self-Esteem Issues, lazy afternoons, past loss of a child, serious conversations
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-27
Updated: 2019-01-27
Packaged: 2019-10-17 09:26:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,328
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17557742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SoulOfAFangirl684/pseuds/SoulOfAFangirl684
Summary: Shikamaru was known as a genius by those around him, but he could not, for the life of him, seem to find quite the right words to describe his relationship with Choji Akimichi.





	Here is Gone

**Author's Note:**

> I realize my cross-posting of old fanfics has stalled anyway, but this one in particular I was kind of surprised to realize I didn't have up here yet. (It was kind of a Thing that I brought over all my LGBT+ centric fics first. It just feels like a very welcome place for them.) But I do have an idea of why that is... Of all my stories, this is the one I'm still a bit... insecure about. Like, I've gone back through it and didn't feel the need to touch up too much, but it was written quite a while ago-- when I was still in the early stages of exploring my asexuality-- and I guess I've just ever since been plagued with this worry that I'd gotten something inherently Wrong about queerplatonic relationships and I'm just waiting to be called out on it. You wouldn't think this would still be such a problem, given... well, given a few things, actually. I'm in one myself, for one, though ours has never really broached that physical boundary in a way that others might interpret as romantic. (I'm just not big on physical affection in general.) And also, I've written characters identifying in ways that I have NO personal experience with myself... and somehow been more confident about those stories. I don't know. Maybe it's just that queerplatonic relationships have always been a very gray sphere, even in LGBT+ circles. Here is my take on one. The tagged character sexualities are how I saw them develop, over the course of writing the story, but they are also very much up to interpretation in this one. Oh, and the whole thing is loosely based on 'Here is Gone' by the Goo Goo Dolls. I just got this sort of vibe from that song.

There's an age-old formula to your typical adventure story. It always starts with a hero. Said hero inevitably sets out to conquer his choice of evil. Along the way, he acquires a like-minded companion, and together they accomplish many daring feats and always, _always_ emerge victorious.

Shikamaru was no stranger to this ancient tale. He knew these dreams were still very much alive today. Every little boy out on the playground fancied himself to be the hero, and all the other little boys were his sidekicks. Ahem, excuse me, of course, I meant _companions_.

In this sense, the young Nara found he was always the odd man out. All these impossible quests sounded absolutely exhausting. And, due to the fact that he'd never seen one before, he got the feeling that dragons were an endangered species. It didn't feel right to go around looking for one to slay. And honestly, where would this princess be in five, ten years from now if she never learned to rescue herself? Shikamaru was pretty sure these were exactly the sorts of things his dad meant whenever he talked about making "wise career decisions."

Shikamaru liked the other village boys just fine, but life was all play to them. Couldn't they see that relaxation could be fun too?

And then he met Choji. He got along with the other boys, but nothing had ever clicked the way it did with Choji. Finally, he had found someone else who wasn't in it for the adventure, but for the companionship.

**…………**

When they entered the Academy, nothing really changed. It was kind of a drag that they could no longer spend their days however they pleased, but he supposed school wasn't too bad. The teachers only cared about half the time when he used their lectures as an excuse to take a nap. And at least when he was in class all day his mother didn't expect him to check in so often.

He lazed away his weekends and afternoons with his best friend, and it wasn't until it came time for them to graduate that they had to worry about any real change.

Shikamaru hadn't wanted to have to get used to Choji's absence. He could hardly remember what it was like to spend a casual day with anyone else. He knew many of their classmates found them to be a little boring or odd, but he wouldn't trade those lazy afternoons for anything. Choji was the only one he could talk to when his parents' arguing actually started to worry him. He knew he was the only one Choji would talk to about how self-conscious he really was. He had spent nearly as much time at Choji's house as he did his own. Frankly, he wasn't sure how to live a life that didn't include his best friend.

But they needn't have worried. Team Ten was formed and that was that. Their days went on fairly normally, only now they had an unprofessional sensei and a bossy, controlling girl to add to the mix.

"You ever think our meeting wasn't coincidental?"

"Hmm?" Shikamaru cracked open an eye to look at his friend. It was just another afternoon spent cloud-watching. Choji's question had come seemingly out of nowhere. "What do you mean?"

"Well… You know this team can't be coincidental, right? I know Iruka sensei said the teams were put together based on our graduation exam scores, but…"

"Yeah," he agreed. "This pairing and our clans' histories together… I doubt this wasn't planned way ahead of time."

"Right," Choji continued. "And that day I met you… I saw the way my dad was looking at us. You think our parents were manipulating that from the sidelines, too?"

Shikamaru was quiet for a moment, calculating. Choji had become very familiar with that look. "I've never thought about that…"

They lapsed back into silence.

Most of their days were spent this way. In this casual way, they swapped ideas, stories, hopes for the future. Nothing was off-limits. There were no lines to be crossed.

So it was hardly a surprise when, one day, the topics of sex and romance entered the conversation. They were growing up, after all, and their team mate's sole interest seemed to be her own fantastical love life.

It was a very simple discussion. Choji wasn't sure what he wanted out of this department in life. Shikamaru just didn't want a relationship like the one his parents had.

But this didn't turn out to be just another passing thought. With Ino's critical remarks making his best friend more self-conscious than ever, Shikamaru found that this topic came up over and over again. He didn't really mind. He figured it was just another complicated part of growing up.

And then The Day happened. There were many days and many similar conversations, but they all paled in comparison to The Conversation that they'd had on The Day. As much as Shikamaru had tried to convince himself that it wasn't anything major, it was _this_ day, _this_ conversation that he remembered most.

"Have you ever kissed anyone?" Yet again, Choji had broken the silence very suddenly. It was almost as if he thought his friend wouldn't be open to talking if he wasn't caught off-guard.

Shikamaru made a sound that was somewhere between a sniff and a scoff. "Choji, you've been my best friend since we were five. Don't you think you'd know if I'd ever kissed anybody?"

"Yeah, I guess…" They fell back into silence. Even Choji's hands had stilled, his bag of chips half full. Just when Shikamaru thought the subject had been dismissed, his friend spoke up again. "But… have you ever _thought_ about kissing anybody?"

"What?" Shikamaru sat up now, turning to face his friend directly. Choji's question had sounded hesitant, but his posture didn't give anything away. He was staring back, waiting. "Not really, no. Why?"

Now the Akimichi heir looked down. "I don't know, just wondering," he mumbled.

Shikamaru could tell Choji was ready to drop it now. He wasn't sure what made him push, but now the scoff was easy to distinguish. "Really?"

"Well…" he watched Choji fumble for an answer. "That's what people like us do, right? Fantasize about being… involved with others?"

Now Shikamaru laughed quietly. "Maybe if you're Ino or Sakura."

"Or Hinata," Choji added. "Have you seen the way she watches Naruto?"

Now they both chuckled. Shikamaru added in a wry tone, "People like us… That strange species known as _the teenager_."

Choji chuckled again, but the hesitancy had returned. When it became clear that his friend was prepared to wait out a more thorough response, he took a breath and asked, "Do you think… anyone's ever thought about me like that?"

Shikamaru shook his head, almost as if he found this funny too. "Is this Ino talking or you? Do you want to be thought about like that?"

Choji shrugged, clearly uncomfortable. "You don't?"

Shikamaru mirrored his shrug, growing impatient with all the deflections. He wasn't used to having to break through so many barriers just to talk to his best friend. "Maybe someday."

"But not right now?"

The Nara rolled his eyes. "Choji, look. Love is weird. Supposedly it's pretty great, too, but I don't really feel like there's anything missing from my life right now. Okay?"

"Yeah. Sure."

He sighed. "Not good enough?"

The barriers finally broke. "It's fine for you. I mean, you're really smart and low-maintenance, and if you can put up with Ino then you can probably survive anyone… Someone's gonna fall in love with you someday."

His voice had gotten progressively quieter as the expression on Shikamaru's face had twisted more and more into one of bewildered confusion.

"So what? You don't think anyone will ever fall in love with you? You're one of the nicest guys I know."

"Yeah, and when is anybody ever interested in the nice guy? Sasuke Uchiha's probably the _coldest_ guy I know, yet he's got every girl and her brother chasing after _him_ …"

Shikamaru smirked. "Really? You want to be like _Sasuke_?"

Now Choji rolled his eyes. "No. Of course not. All I'm saying is, he's never gonna have to worry about whether or not he'll go his whole life without being kissed."

"It's really that big of a deal to you?"

"Yes," he said, exasperated.

"Fine. Kiss me."

And that's how it started. Simple, right? Choji's eyes had widened for a fraction of a second before the two leaned in to meet each other.

Later, neither boy would really be able to find words to describe the experience. It wasn't all that awkward or unpleasant. Nor was it all that romantic. In fact, Shikamaru would probably liken it to cloud-watching. He'd never thought of his best friend in this way, but their first kiss was utterly relaxed. It could have been just another day. It was… comfortable.

This was the beginning. It really was hard to explain how The Day affected their friendship. On one hand, life seemed to continue on as normal. They attended their team training sessions, completed their missions, and hung out in their spare time. But it was impossible to deny that _something_ had changed.

Some afternoons would pass just as they had all throughout their childhood. And then there were others…

It was like that wall that they'd broken through on The Day was never really repaired. Sometimes their conversations would just stop. It was funny. The butterflies didn't come until _after_ their first kiss. But the nervousness was never something that lasted long. Their words would drift away, leaving them with the sudden but increasingly familiar awareness of their emotional intimacy. And a need to express this feeling in some external way. One of them would lean in, and there were never any questions or complaints from the other.

As the days passed, they got a little more adventurous, allowed the boundaries to be stretched a little farther. They rarely discussed it afterwards, and it never felt like a 'real' relationship, but it also never lost that comfortable air. It was innocent and experimental and _nice_. Sometimes, Shikamaru reminisced, it felt almost like a way to hold on to their childhood in a time when life was becoming so much more complicated and dark.

Of course, that simplicity couldn't last forever. They really should have seen this coming. But those quiet moments felt like they were taking place in an altogether separate world. It didn't just feel comfortable and relaxed. It felt _safe_.

 

**…………**

Choji and Shikamaru shared a quick glance. The two shifted uncomfortably in their seats, but truth be told, no one was more uncomfortable than their sensei, who had called this meeting.

Asuma was already halfway through his second cigarette, but they didn't appear to be doing anything for him. He looked stressed and exasperated, and every few minutes he'd look from one boy to the other and sigh, only serving to put his students even more on edge.

At last, Choji asked, "…Where's Ino?"

"She's, uh, not coming. That's actually why I called you here today." Asuma looked like he would give just about anything to not have this conversation. "Ino came to talk to me the other day. She feels the two of you have gotten a lot… closer lately."

Shikamaru resisted the urge to look over at his best friend again. He wondered if Choji also felt like his insides were freezing. He wondered if Choji was able to comprehend what this could mean for their future.

Asuma grimaced at his students' silence. He seemed to be struggling to find the right words. "Look… Personally, I don't really care what the two of you do with your spare time, but shinobi have very specific codes about the level of… fraternization between team mates. I've been watching too, trying to see if Ino has a right to be worried."

Now Choji's eyes widened. "Are you going to report us?"

Asuma inhaled deeply. "At this time… I don't feel like whatever it is that's going on between you two is causing any problems for this team. Just… be careful and conscious. Please. If that changes, Team Ten _will_ have to be split up."

The words were ominous and a clear dismissal. The boys stood, and Asuma's eyes settled on Shikamaru, who hadn't said a word the whole time. Student and sensei exchanged a look of understanding and Shikamaru nodded before the two left.

The pair didn't immediately go their separate ways, but their walk home was silent. Shikamaru couldn't help lingering on Asuma's choice of words. Fraternization… Shinobi were so odd about that sort of thing. Teamwork was key. Team mates were expected to be close, but they better not be _too_ close. He supposed he understood where they were coming from, but wasn't it the mark of a good shinobi to be able to make clear-headed decisions _in spite_ of personal relationships?

He only looked up when Choji cleared his throat. "I guess I'll see you tomorrow then…"

Shikamaru smiled, trying to take the edge off his friend's blatant worry. "Yeah."

Shikamaru wasn't sure what made him do what he did next. He wasn't a naturally reckless or impulsive person. But as soon as Choji was out of sight, he turned and began heading in the direction of the Yamanaka flower shop.

When he got there and spotted Ino's mother behind the counter, he went around back to the gardening area. Sure enough, his blonde team mate was watering the plants. He put his training to good use and moved silently through the rows of flowers and saplings until he was standing right behind her.

"Hey," he called roughly.

She jumped and whirled around, eyes wide. She exhaled deeply when she realized who it was. Then, just as quickly as the relief had come on, it was replaced by something much sharper. "Shikamaru! What do you think you're doing, sneaking up on me like that?"

Under normal circumstances, he wouldn't even consider standing up to Ino. It was way too much trouble and, let's face it, her temper was just plain scary. But then, he usually wasn't the one initiating the conversation either.

"What did you tell Asuma sensei?" he demanded.

Once again, she was taken aback for a fraction of a second before she became defensive. "I was just trying to do what's right for our team!"

"You think separating us is what's _right_ for our team? That makes no sense!"

"What are you talking about? Why would they split us up?"

Shikamaru stared at her for a moment. Something was slowly dawning on him. Unnerved by his silence, Ino pushed ahead.

"We're all supposed to be working together. That means me, too, you know. I get it, okay? I'm pushy and overambitious and I don't apologize as much as I should… I know you and Choji have been best friends practically since birth, but you guys never include me in anything!"

She looked legitimately hurt, but he could have laughed. Unbelievable. Ino didn't know anything. She was just upset at being iced out, which hadn't even been intentional. Asuma must have put the rest of the pieces together himself.

He told Choji almost immediately, but he could see that something had darkened in his friend's eyes. This was the first time Shikamaru stopped to wonder if perhaps they weren't on the same page about their 'friendship'.

But, as it tended to do, life carried on as usual. Any dreariness between them slowly settled down, and they didn't encounter another problem for years.

**…………**

It happened so suddenly. There was no warning when things went downhill for real. Or perhaps the sit-down with Asuma _was_ the warning. But that had been three years earlier. So much had happened in three years. That conversation seemed impossibly far away.

Now, with so many new responsibilities on their minds since leaving the genin lifestyle behind, they weren't exactly being cautious. It wasn't like they were ever overly _open_ about their relationship. (A term that still didn't feel right, exactly. But they knew their actions were typically reserved for _couples_ , and neither Shikamaru nor Choji had the words to describe their connection any differently.) They had just stopped being so paranoid about it.

Out of habit, they weren't really all that handsy in public. Never enough to give anyone the impression that they were _together_ , but it wasn't as if they went out of their way to make sure they never stood too close, never held the other's gaze too long.

It had been a particularly long day. Lately, the shinobi of Konoha were overworked and stretched thin in general. Chunin like themselves were dealing with politics that were usually delegated to their superiors. Frankly, these responsibilities were far more taxing than any physical assignment ever was.

Choji had walked with Shikamaru all the way back to his house. Somewhere along the way, the talk had stopped revolving around business and relaxed into more banal topics. They'd spent the last stretch in comfortable silence, quietly taking in the familiar streets.

Their damning moment didn't seem like anything special at the time. The two had stood at Shikamaru's door, saying their goodbyes.

"They want us all there for that meeting at eight, right?"

"Yeah. I'll see you tomorrow."

Shikamaru wasn't sure what made Choji lean in to kiss him goodbye. They didn't usually uphold those sort of formalities. But it wasn't like he really _minded_ , and pushing Choji away was likely to incite an in-depth discussion about boundaries and how exactly they wanted to define this thing they had, and frankly, he was too tired for that. So he kissed him back, Choji left, and that should have been the end of it.

But almost immediately afterwards, Shikamaru felt a presence behind him. He turned to find his grandfather standing in the hall. The man's expression wasn't exactly warm and welcoming, and Shikamaru inwardly groaned.

"I think it's time for you to come inside, boy."

His grandfather turned and began making his way deeper into the house, knowing Shikamaru would follow. And he did. Even though the village had recognized him as an adult for years, his grandfather still had a way of making him feel like he was all of about five years old.

Shikane Nara was almost comically short, but he had an air about him that made others sit up and listen. He was the type of man who made crowds part for him simply by walking down the street. He was the complete opposite of what Shikamaru had come to associate with being the average Nara man. Shikane was strict and aggressive and driven. Though he'd given up the official title years ago, he was still running the clan from the sidelines.

Shikamaru wasn't sure why his grandfather had shown up at the house that day. He rarely visited his family. Usually only to discuss—or critique—the handling of clan politics and decisions. Whatever his reason for being there, Shikamaru was sure that what he'd just witnessed was going to make this visit particularly long.

He followed his grandfather to the porch that looked out onto the yard on the other side of the house. Here they found Shikaku, smoking a cigarette, staring up at the clouds passing overhead. He looked up when they joined him on the porch, and Shikamaru imagined the look of dread on his father's face mirrored his own.

"I thought you said you were leaving," Shikaku said brusquely.

Shikane frowned at the lack of respect. "Is that any way to speak to your father?"

Shikaku sighed. "Yeah, yeah… Didn't you have a meeting to go to?"

Shikamaru almost smiled at how familiar this rapport sounded. The exchange between his father and grandfather was nearly identical to conversations he'd had with his mother. And it would have been funny. If he hadn't been saddled with this impending sense of doom.

Shikane looked slowly from one descendent to the other, inwardly debating something. Finally, he gave a curt nod and said, "You're right. I can't keep the other council members waiting. Besides, this sort of thing is best addressed by a boy's father directly."

He gave Shikamaru one last look, clearly stating his displeasure, before turning and leaving their household for real this time.

Shikamaru felt as if his insides had liquefied and were slowly draining from his body. He'd only felt this caliber of dread previously when in combat—fighting battles he was sure he wouldn't return from. He wasn't sure how his father would react, but there was no escape now. Shikaku was curious, and he would surely be able to tell the truth from a lie.

Shikamaru sighed and brought a hand up to scratch the back of his head. He knew his father recognized his stalling habit, and the man smirked.

"So, what is it we're discussing?"

This was far from the first time one of them had gotten into hot water with Shikane, but Shikamaru wondered if his dad could tell that this wasn't just another issue with his grandfather's pet peeve: laziness.

"Well…" he said at last. "When he was leaving for the first time… He walked in on Choji and I saying goodbye." His father raised an eyebrow, waiting. "…We may have been a little closer than he would have liked."

He never would know if the blush gave him away or if his father just somehow, instinctively, _knew_. Shikaku smirked. In fact, he looked like he was holding back a laugh. But nothing in his posture or expression suggested disapproval. So he had that at least.

After an impossibly long silence, Shikaku finally replied to this confession with, "Did you know your mother and I had a daughter?"

Shikamaru could do nothing but blink blankly at his father. His response could not have been any more unexpected. Slowly, the younger Nara sat down beside the man. He cleared his throat.

"I did, actually," he admitted. "Well, I suspected anyway."

And he had. There had been more evidence around when he was younger—possessions meant for a baby girl, whispered conversations at family gatherings that no one thought he was listening to. As the years passed, it came up less and less. Any tangible signs were finally let go of and presumably given away. But, until now, no one in his family had ever brought it up with him, and Shikamaru never revealed his findings to anyone—not even Choji. It just felt wrong. He'd had every intention of guarding the secret just as carefully—maybe more so—as his parents had.

Shikaku nodded. This didn't seem to surprise him. "After the war ended, we all got married around the same time."

Shikamaru knew, of course, that the 'we' referred to the old Ino-Shika-Cho trio.

"I can't say why—maybe we were just your average, arrogant men—but we were all so sure we'd have sons." He chuckled. "Of course, when your mother got pregnant the first time, we weren't exactly planning to have kids yet. We were still very young, not the most responsible people around…"

While it wasn't all that hard to picture his father drinking his nights away—there was only so much that changed with time—that image wasn't lining up well with his stern, obsessively controlling mother. But he didn't interrupt.

"When it turned out we were having a girl, the guys hazed me endlessly. They liked to joke that Karma would be out for our blood, and one day we'd be dealing with some dramatic teenage romance amongst our kids…"

"Wrong kids," he murmured.

Shikaku chuckled again. "So it would seem. Anyway, it didn't work out like that. Your sister was sick—some recessive illness that neither of us had ever heard of—and born premature to start with. We had her for two days."

A silence settled over them. Shikamaru could tell that his father's grieving period was complete, but still. He couldn't imagine that kind of loss. He was sure Shikaku had lost at least one somebody to the war—everyone had. And then to spend nearly a year preparing for a child they wouldn't get to keep? He knew life never pretended to be fair, but some things seemed a little too cruel.

"Later on," Shikaku continued at last, "when the three of you were all born around the same time, it just felt _right_. I'm not sure how well I hold with cosmic warnings and all that, but maybe Yoshino and I just weren't supposed to be parents yet. I wish you and Choji luck."

His father stood, but Shikamaru remained seated. He wiped his hands on his pants, still oddly anxious. "We don't… I don't know if we have the kind of relationship you're thinking of…"

Shikaku shrugged. "I'm sure the two of you will figure it out." Then he snickered, looking uncharacteristically boyish. "I can't wait to see Choza's reaction when he hears this…" And he walked off, leaving his son with his thoughts.

**…………**

The 'coming out' conversation with his father had gone surprisingly well. It certainly hadn't been the 'You're disgracing your clan, such behavior is not proper for the Nara heir' lecture Shikane had wanted.

Yet, ironically, his father's approval seemed to have nailed shut the door to whatever sort of relationship they had. He'd told Choji what had happened that night, and that news had settled onto them as if it were a physical weight placed on their shoulders.

Their conversations were no less intimate, it didn't feel like they had drifted apart at all. There just wasn't so much touching after that day. Occasionally they would share a long look, but they never addressed the change verbally.

Time passed. They grew out of whatever was left of their childhood, fought their own war.

Shikamaru couldn't say his past never crossed his mind. He still had a hard time understanding how exactly he'd gotten to where he was today. Sometimes he'd look over at his wife and still picture the wild teenager she'd been, ready to bash his head in with her fan. Sometimes he'd look at his son and remember, with a jolt, that he was the parent now.

So much had gone unsaid for so long that he wasn't sure what made him call the meeting with Choji. But he'd gotten the day off, (seriously, who ever thought that Naruto "dead-last" Uzumaki would _actually_ become Hokage one day?) and perhaps he was feeling a little sentimental. Perhaps they both were. After all, their children were starting their first day at the Academy today.

Choji grinned when he found his friend at their old spot, gazing up at the clouds. The Akimichi sat down beside him.

"This brings back memories," he commented.

"Lots of them," Shikamaru agreed. He hoisted himself into a sitting position. "That's what I wanted to talk to you about, actually."

"Oh." Choji understood immediately and looked away. But his friend didn't let him off easy. Shikamaru held his gaze until Choji looked back.

"We never really found a way to describe what we were, did we?"

"No…"

"Do you regret anything?"

"No!" Choji looked surprised.

"Yeah. Neither do I."

They were quiet for a moment. The two had always spoken frankly like this. But now it seemed to be making Choji uncomfortable.

"It's been a long time, Choji. I don't regret anything we did. I never did, even during those close calls."

They both chuckled at that. Shikamaru continued, "I guess there's just one last loose end for me. I didn't leave anything behind when we broke it off. We've both become husbands and fathers since then… I guess I just want to know that we've both moved on."

Choji was quiet for a moment, and Shikamaru took this time to observe his friend more closely, something he hadn't had a chance to do in years. He wondered if there was another side to this story that he'd never known. Had his father ever gone to Choji's father? Not that he could picture Choza reacting badly or wanting anything but his son's happiness, but he had to remember: At the time Choji had been next in line to lead his clan also. Perhaps Choza had been a little more concerned with tradition and reputation than Shikaku, though even that felt unlikely. He had to hold back another laugh as he waited for Choji to finish deliberating. He'd begun wondering if Shikaku had gone to his grave thinking he and Choji would one day merge their two clans.

"I'm happy," Choji said at last, looking him right in the eye. Shikamaru could see the shift in his friend's attitude. Good. It was about time they finally spelled this out for each other.

"My family means the world to me," Choji continued. "I wouldn't change anything. But I know it's not the relationship most people aspire to. I don't know if she knows or if it bothers her, but… I don't love Karui the way you love Temari. I don't know if I loved _you_ the way you love Temari. And I would never try to take that from you. Like I said, I'm happy with the way things turned out. But when I was fifteen, sixteen, yeah, maybe this wasn't how I pictured what I wanted for my life. But I _know_ you don't feel the same way. I've always known."

"You're right," Shikamaru replied. "You were special to me. You always will be. I don't think 'best friends' will ever be a strong enough word to define us. But I'm not in love with you."

They both relaxed a little. The weight that had settled on their shoulders so long ago had dissipated, word by word. It was satisfying to finally hear it expressed aloud.

"So where do we go from here?" Choji asked.

"I don't think we need to go anywhere. Maybe if we'd been able to talk about this as kids, things would be different now, but I'm happy with the way things turned out, too."

"I want things to be different for our kids," Choji said, suddenly serious. "Sure, we never ran into anyone who disapproved strongly enough to intervene and cause problems, but we didn't feel free to talk about it either."

"I never really felt the need to."

"I know _you_ didn't," Choji replied, sounding a little exasperated. "But I did, and it never felt like I could. Not even with you or my dad. We grew up being taught to be comfortable with taking someone's life at a moment's notice, but any talk of sexuality— _that_ better be done behind closed, bolted doors. Let's say Chocho ends up dating Sarada Uchiha one day," he went on, pulling the craziest scenario he could think up. "Not like what we had, but legitimate dating. I want her to be able to come home and talk about it. I don't want her to feel like it's some dirty secret she has to guard with her life."

"So let's change that." Shikamaru's response to Choji's speech felt almost too simple. His grin had that almost mischievous tint to it that he got whenever he was scheming. "We _can_ do that, you know. There's no reason our kids have to grow up like we did."

The two men rose. So much had changed since their playground days… And so much had remained the same.

There's more than one way to become a hero. Not all dragons need to be slain. Not all companions are just glorified sidekicks.

Shikamaru left that day with every intention of having a totally open relationship with his son. He didn't want Shikadai to ever feel that any topic was off-limits.

Maybe one day he'd even explain the full extent of his relationship with Choji to his wife.

Well… Maybe he needn't go _that_ far…

**Author's Note:**

> Upon giving this one final re-read before posting it, I think I may have come to a conclusion about why I've always felt something was a little off. A huge part of this story revolves around Shikamaru and Choji not having the words to define what they are to each other. And there were definitely some blurred lines there. By the end, it was definitely a little one-sidedly romantic on Choji's side of things, which wasn't what I'd planned at the beginning. And you can call this authorial backtracking, but I really would put that blame on society, and the two just inherently associating their physical affection as Romantic things-- and thus, Choji coming to the conclusion that he must actually like Shikamaru in That Way, even if he's not really so sure about it.


End file.
